After I watched my Great Grandfather pass away on March 23, which was also my birthday, I couldn’t bring my self to physically touch him as his breath weakened. It’s almost as if I didn’t want it to be a part of my reality & I wanted it to remain a dream. He was such an inspiration to anyone who was blessed enough to meet him. He could bring a whole room to laughter, even in the most tense moments. What I loved most was his ability to just live. By this I mean, he didn’t give a shit about what was going on around him, but still had the ability to protect & support those he loved. I guess what I am trying to say is that with his passing, it gave new life into me. I have to bleed the negativity in my life to let the new me prosper. I can only build these walls so tall & my crown can only be so heavy. I have to find that perfect balance. I’m tired of supporting people who don’t give me the time of day. I need to be happy with being alone & learn from my past. These words aren’t meant to be sappy, nor are they coming from my thoughts to complain. I just want to make my rebirth concrete & find the religion in me. I will learn to love me & say fuck it to rest.
Well, where do I even begin? I’m turning 20 in two days, & my great grandfather is on life support. Most people spend their spring break on the beaches of Florida, while I don’t even want to remove my ass from my home in West Palm. It was bitter sweet coming back home. I was a half a day late in getting to hear my great grandfather actually speak for the last time. I can’t even explain how I have felt over this last week. Of course, why should I? Most will scroll past this to reblog the model with the nice ass. All that aside, all I can say is “fuck.” I know once he leaves this crazy world, my family will never be the same. He was the cement when the shit hit the fan. Enough of my problems, I hope you all are having a wonderfucktastic break xx.
Wouldn’t it be something if the creator of one of your favorite blogs were to die? You’d constantly be checking to see if they updated anything, only to find that month after month they’ve been offline. Their parents and friends unaware of the their secret online “diary”, their deepest, darkest thoughts and desires. They’d lose all their followers. The people they related most with would never know, they’d simply assume that they had “gotten a life”
I have thought about this before. It’s pretty crazy to look through someone’s blog, even when you know they have left this earth. It’s like time has stopped while you look at their thoughts & likes.